The first weeks and months of our new life were incredible... but even still something was lacking. For whatever reason, I as a mother was not feeling that bond... that melts your heart, can't even stand it, you want ten more, feeling was non-existent I'm ashamed to say. Of course I loved him, and of course I'd do anything in my power to protect him. However when I heard other mothers speak of that magical feeling... I could not relate. It made me feel guilty... I felt like I wasn't "meant" to be a mother if I wasn't pouring out tears of happiness just by looking at our new little bundle of joy. This went on I'm sad to say for a while... I nursed him, bathed him, took very good care of him... all the things a good mother does, but along with it came resentment and thoughts like "What was I thinking?!".
Wow... crazy personal, not ever spoken out loud kind of feelings I'm sharing with you here huh? Why you ask? Because here I am over two years later... with this beautiful aching pull in my heart, every moment of every single day due to none other than that same little bundle of joy who has now become a slightly bigger yet still tiny stumbling bundle of joy. Everything from his curly hair, to his expressions, to his imagination, to his voice, his singing, his words and sentences, his sign language, his tears, his laughter, his scent, his teeth... the list goes on and on. This is my son... and I am his mother... and nothing on this beautiful green earth makes me smile or gives me more pride than he does... and just in case one of you out there is a new mama having these same feelings that I did... all I want to say is... Just wait and see.
I'm not saying it'll take two years... what I'm saying is that out of nowhere... the magick will hit you. One day you'll be looking at that beautiful tiny human that YOU created... and you'll fall in love. Just wait and see.
Other Magickal Happenings
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