So have you seen this around Facebook?
It's been popping up on my news feed for weeks now and personally.... Well I just don't like it. I understand that most may take it as a joke but others I assure you take this quite seriously.
There are several reasons why this list of rules makes me cringe deep down inside everytime I see it. The fact is... I never plan on being THIS involved in my son's love life. All I can do is hope that I've raised him in a way to recognize the good ones and avoid the bad ones when it comes to dating.
This list of rules shows way too much control of a mother over her son... And if a mother feels the need to have this much control when it comes to her son dating, well...
Nope sorry... Couldn't come up with a justifiable reason. If your son is old enough to date... Let him be! If we are talking about teenagers well then of course the typical rules and curphew stuff applies but I STILL think it's too much... From the way this list reads it sounds like we are talking about an adult male as the son... And a mother who has those kinds of rules for the woman dating her son.... Well... That's just asking for trouble.
So...I feel I need to come up with another list. One that is true in my eyes and hopefully in others who are like me. I think I'll call it...
"So You Want My Son to Love You?"
Advice from a mother.. to her son's girlfriend, fiancé, or wife:
1. BELIEVE... In what you ask? Everything.... Believe in love, miracles, magick, a higher power. Believe that the good guys always win. Believe that love will always prevail. In a world where we already know, far too well, that horrible things do and will happen... You need to be that glimmer of hope that keeps my son going when everything goes wrong... and if I do my job right... He will also be yours. Believe in my son.
2. LAUGH OUT LOUD... Don't think that being an adult means letting go of your kid at heart. Be silly, find joy in funny things, be happy, PLAY! Others may stare and they may get annoyed... Feel sorry for those people... Don't let them change you. Don't let them change my son.
3. LET HIM BE A GENTLEMAN! I taught him no other way to be... Be receptive of it! It doesn't mean you can't do it on your own... It means my son sees you as a lady! Take it as a compliment.
4. BE STRONGER THAN HE IS... Is this one confusing? Let's face it... He's a man... You're a woman. If you're not sure what that means yet you will. You have instinct, you have power. Know how and when to channel the goddess that you are.
There it is... That's my list. Common sense? Maybe... Short? Absolutely! My son will have his own rules. All I know is that I look forward to meeting the woman my son chooses to bring home one day. She should not fear me for I will not fear her.
Okay so maybe that's a bit extreme but that's all I could think of to title this post.... How about we call it a separation... a permanent separation with visitation rights with my smartphone, tv and laptop during nap times and occasionally on the weekends. Yeah.... that's better. Now here's why...
Last week it just dawned on me that I've become too darn dependent on our TV... Now I'm not against watching TV... not in the least in fact. I love TV.... I'm EXTREMELY picky with what my son watches and I think he's learned a lot from the shows he sees. But since the baby has been born it's kinda been an every day all day kinda thing. Plus the baby is catching some views of the TV just because it's always on and that I really don't approve of that. I never even let my son watch TV till he was two. So that was my first clue. I really don't want my newborn being entertained and missing out on the real life lessons all around because of a TV screen... and hey you know what? That goes for my son too!
My next clue was how I was treating my almost four year old. When I stood back and looked at the situation I saw myself being too short with him and too detached. I reminded myself that HE was my job.... nothing else but him and my new baby girl were the only things that deserved my utmost attention during the day with the next in line being our home. So I made the decision right then and there that we were going to just stop.... No more TV during the day and no more smartphone for me unless the kiddos are napping or playing with their daddy on the weekends.
Today is our second day trying out this new system.... Our first day was last Friday... and we are LOVING it. The thing I noticed the MOST is I haven't lost my cool with my son... which actually makes me super sad because it makes me realize that the reason I've been losing my cool with him in the past is because he's been seeking the attention that I was giving to the internet. Ugh.... shaking my head in shame over here... Okay... brushing it off now.... because I'm changing it. I've ALREADY changed it and I am proud of myself for recognizing that something wasn't quite right.
You know what's icing on the cake both Friday and today? My house is getting CLEAN!!! Our priorities are better... I'm making things fun... and we're getting things done!
I didn't realize how much could be missed by the simple act of checking things like Facebook and Pinterest in a day.... I was missing out on my child's life. They grow so fast and before we know it I will have wondered where all the time went. I don't want to look back and say it all went to my phone. NOTHING is more important than my babies. I am so excited. For all you homemakers out there... if things aren't quite right and you're not accomplishing what you feel you should... take a step back and see if maybe you check in on the internet a bit too much... it may be something you can try to give up as well!
Oops! GOTTA GO!!! My precious boy is awake! ;)
Something which comes out of nothingness is naturalness,
For a plant or stone to be natural is no problem.
But for us there is some problem...
To be natural is something which we must work on.
- Shunryo Suzuki, Zen Master
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind
So when I was pregnant a little over three years ago with our son... my husband and I did a photo shoot of the two of us and my pregnant belly. This time around I've been feeling pretty guilty about not being able to do the same with this pregnancy. After pondering over it for bit I realized that the photo shoot from my last pregnancy isn't actually all that great LOL!!! There are a few shots that I like but I never fell in love with them enough to even print them out and frame them. In fact I'm not sure I could even find the CD of photos right now if I wanted to! So that got me thinking about this one picture my hubby took when we were pregnant with our son... we were just fooling around one night with the camera and were doing a bunch of silly shots. Well one of them ended up turning out pretty cool in our opinion. Mind you we are no where near professional photographers and we just had a point and shoot camera. Well that thought led to me thinking of a specific photo my hubby took during this current pregnancy and how I love it just as much.... and voila! A new idea was born!!
I decided that I would order a 5x7 print of each photo and frame them and hang the corresponding one in each of our baby's bedrooms!! The guilt was slowly drifting away. In my opinion I think that's even more special than a staged photo shoot. Each picture with their mommy happily showing off her pregnant belly of each of them. I received the prints in the mail today and as I was thinking of the types of frames I wanted to buy for them another idea popped into my head. I remembered that quite a while ago I had written a poem... a poem I thought I had lost but happily found and saved to my computer. I went searching for it, found it, read it and got a little teary eyed. This poem I decided would go alongside each photo in a double frame. A gift to my babies from their mama. I only hope that when I go searching tomorrow I find the perfect frames to hold two 5x7 prints... I know I've seen them before so hopefully it won't be a problem.
So since I don't share pictures of my baby (and baby to be) I figured I'd share my pregnant belly pics that I've chosen for this special gift. I will also share the poem I wrote that will go alongside them. Please remember that when I write poetry, my heart and sole goes into it and they are quite special to me and extremely personal. So if you feel inspired to share please give credit back to me... it would break my heart to see this poem out there being claimed by someone else. I thank you.
I made you from scratch
There is only one "you"
Take care of yourself
Be kind and be true.
Don't mark up your body
For you have only one skin
And I made you from scratch
Must I tell you again?
There's only one "you"
And you're beautiful see.
Don't put yourself down
Else you're putting down me.
Smile to everyone
So your heart won't turn sour.
Others may hurt you
But don't give them your power
Don't follow the crowd
Don't try to be cool.
Cuz I made you from scratch
I made only one "you"...
By: Linda Leigh L.